Do you remember the days when he couldn’t wait to get you in  bed, and now he would rather read a good book rather than have that juicy passionate sex you once enjoyed. This may leave you with questions such as “What happened?” or “Is he no longer attracted to me?” Well here are 10 reasons why he might not be having sex with you and in the end, there will be some advice on what you can do about it. 

1. He is holding resentments against you. It is difficult to feel that closeness and intimacy when you are angry at a person. We might think that men just get over their resentments and have make-up sex, but that is not entirely true. They have their limits with what they will put up with. 

2. He may not be getting his needs met in the relationship. Men have other needs besides sex. They may have needs of attention, respect, safety and many other needs and if those needs are not met, then he may not want to fulfill your needs. 

3. He may be going through hormonal changes. Men may not be producing as much testosterone as they once were when they were younger. This can happen at any age, not necessarily in their old age. There are even men who have a sex drive till the day they die. This is something that doctor may need to help with. 

4.  He may be having an affair. This may be difficult to hear because infidelity is one of the heart wrenching struggles to deal with. You should not jump to this conclusion unless you have other evidence to the fact, but this might be something you need to explore further. It happens in 30-40% of unmarried relationships and 18-20% of married ones. 

Do you remember the days when he couldn’t wait to get you in bed, and now he would rather read a good book instead of having that juicy passionate sex you once enjoyed? This may leave you with questions such as “What happened?” or “Is he no longer attracted to me?” Well, here are ten reasons why he might not be having sex with you and in the end, there will be some advice on what you can do about it. 

 

1. He is holding resentments against you. It is challenging to feel that closeness and intimacy when you are angry at a person. We might think that men just get over their resentments and have make-up sex, but that is not entirely true. They have their limits with what they will endure. 

 

2. He may not be getting his needs met in the relationship. Men have other needs besides sex. They may have requirements of attention, respect, safety, and various other needs. If those needs are not met, then he may not want to fulfill your needs. 

 

3. He may be going through hormonal changes. Men may not be producing as much testosterone as they once were when they were younger. This can happen at any age, not necessarily in their old age. There are even men who have a sex drive until the day they die. This is something that the doctor may need to help with. 

 

4.  He may be having an affair. This may be difficult to hear because infidelity is one of the most heart-wrenching experiences. It happens in 30-40% of unmarried relationships and 18-20% of married ones. It would be best if you did not jump to this conclusion unless you have evidence that this is happening, but this might be something you need to explore further. 

 

5. He could be addicted to pornography. We might think that every man would rather have sex with a real person than watch it on a screen, but that is not entirely true. He can get take care of his own needs on his own easier than he can have sex with you and make sure you are being pleased as well. He also can use his imagination with a video and visualize himself having sex in ways that were never okay with you. 

 

6. He might be stressed out. There could be events happening at work, or problems in your finances that you are not aware of. Men sometimes try to solve problems all on their own and don’t ask for help. He can feel overwhelmed or scared, and this can affect his ability to perform in the bedroom. 

 

7. He’s not attracted to you anymore. You might have had children, and now he doesn’t see you as that hot woman anymore. He might have seen your child born from your sexy parts and not want to go there again. You also might not dress the way you did when you were dating, or you might have lost your figure or dyed your hair. There could be many reasons why he is no longer attracted. 

 

8. He is using sex as a weapon. Maybe he struggled with getting you to have sex with him, and now he has shut the whole thing down from you and is not letting you get your needs met. He also might be using it to control you and get what he wants. We tend to see this as a woman thing, but men can do it as well. 

 

9. He is embarrassed and does not want to fail. This is big with men. If they struggled with pleasing you, getting an erection, or keeping an erection, they could be afraid of failing again. Failing in the sex department can be a big hit to the ego, and some men might have second thoughts about doing it again. 

 

10. He may be bored. If you have had the same “vanilla” sex for all the years you have been together; he may just be bored with it and not interested in having it. He might prefer to pursue other interests that give him some excitement. 


What alternatives can you try?

Communication is the key. All of these reasons why he might not be having sex with you are just reasons until you find out what the truth is. This is going to take a conversation. Conversations about sex are stressful for anyone, much less a man who is struggling with these issues. To get him to open up, you must be empathetic to his feelings instead of coming at him like a bull elephant. You must also be open to hearing whatever he has to say to you, including he is bored or not attracted to you. It is better to know what is lurking in the dark instead of imagining the worst. 


You may need to encourage him to see a doctor, therapist or even a coach if he has trouble explaining his issue with you. I have a Communication Game Plan you can use to get the conversation started. Just click here to download. 


Lastly, it might be time for you to initiate sex. He may need help with feeling erotic, and a little help from you may get this going again. Times might be changing, and roles may need to reverse. The sooner you accept this, the better. 

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